A second chance at life and love

May 2, 2019.  Vincent and Ju-Lyn Devadason tell Tee Hun Ching how being a part of the Marriage Encounter community pulled them through the dark days when an infection nearly killed Ju-Lyn.

Come June 4, retiree Tan Ju-Lyn will celebrate her second birthday.

Yup, you read that right.

The date marks her return from the brink of death two years after a viral and bacterial infection ravaged her lungs and threatened to damage other organs.

For the 51-year-old, getting a second stab at life comes with a renewed appreciation for her husband, Vincent Devadason, who rarely left her side while she battled an invisible foe.

In the months that followed, the 50-year-old teacher remained her tower of strength as she fought to resume a normal life.

The ordeal pulled the devoted couple, who married in 1996, even closer.

They were among more than 340 couples who renewed their vows at the Marriage Encounter (ME) 40th Anniversary Mass on May 1. Close to 1,250 people registered for the mass, which Archbishop William Goh celebrated at Novena Church with 19 other priests.

ME Singapore is part of a worldwide movement rooted in Catholic teachings, which helps couples turbocharge their relationship through weekend retreats and dialogue techniques.

The Devadasons attended an ME Weekend in 2005 and were later roped in as presenters.

They now lead the food and hosting service team within the ME ministry.

They brimmed with gratitude when recalling the love that their ME friends had showered on them during those dark days.

“The family was supported and cared for in prayer and practical ways by the ME community: sitting with Vince in the hospital, daily rosary said by couples for us, covering our ME duties willingly and lovingly,” said Ju-Lyn.

Her illness started out as an innocuous bout of flu. When she had trouble breathing after a week of fever, Vincent drove her to the A&E department at the Singapore General Hospital on May 24, 2017.

Then things took a sudden turn for the worse.

Doctors diagnosed her with first-stage heart failure and detected fluid in her lungs. To prevent her other organs from failing, they placed her in an induced coma and put her on dialysis to ease the load on her kidneys.

Two days later, Vincent gave them the go-ahead to perform an angiogram after they found anomalies in her heart.

It was risky to operate on her at that stage but, with her parents’ blessings, he opted to go with aggressive intervention.

Before the surgery, doctors advised him to gather all their loved ones for what could well be a final farewell.

“There were about 60 people lining the corridor at the ICU. Then they wheeled her out, like a queen going on a procession,” Vincent recalled with his usual wry wit.

Calm and unflappable by nature, he had leaned heavily on his faith and the support of friends and family.

The only time he shed tears was on the second day, when he told an unconscious Ju-Lyn that “if God is calling, then follow Him and not to worry about what’s left behind; I would take care of that”.

The angiogram found nothing wrong with her heart. But the infection was so deep-set that it had scarred her lungs and was preventing medication from penetrating effectively.

Over the next 10 days, she remained in a touch-and-go state.

Soon after she was taken off sedation, Ju-Lyn regained consciousness and could respond by nodding and blinking. But doctors had to sedate her again as she showed signs of agitation when stimulated.

Her fever raged on, and she remained hooked up to a ventilator as she had trouble breathing on her own. Doctors warned that she risked permanent damage to her throat if she stayed intubated for more than 14 days.

Things started looking up as her breathing improved and doctors dialled down the sedation levels. She began earnest attempts to communicate with Vincent and their two daughters, Meg, 21, and Jo, 19, by scrawling on a small whiteboard.

Then on June 4, which happened to be the day of Pentecost, the Devadasons welcomed a miracle: After 12 days in the ICU, doctors pronounced Ju-Lyn well enough to be moved to a high-dependency ward.

She was discharged two weeks later – but the gruelling road to recovery had only just begun.

For starters, she had lost 13 kg, along with her muscle tone. Worse, she had to relearn even basic functions like swallowing, coughing and yawning.

With the aid of a physiotherapist, the couple, both avid runners who have taken part in many running events, drew up a rehab plan.

Vincent then served as his wife’s physical trainer, pushing and cheering her on as she cleared each milestone.  

“From the day she came home, my target was for her to walk 5km in 10 weeks. She achieved that in four weeks.”

Ju-Lyn didn’t stop there. In August, just two months after leaving the hospital, she completed a 10km race organised by local running club Ridge Runners, with Vincent by her side.

While she still tires easily, they have resumed their running date every Sunday morning. But Vincent, who used to run at a faster clip, now keeps pace with her.

There have been other subtle shifts in their lives.

“We take emotional stock more often, treasuring each day as it unfolds and giving thanks at the end of each,” said Ju-Lyn. “We have found it difficult to get impatient or lose our temper at each other.”

A mindset change has kicked in for her too.

In the past, she lived mainly for her children or others, believing that her time was over. If she went to the library, for instance, it was to take someone there or to get a book for someone.

But a big takeaway from her experience was that “God is not finished with me”.

“[Now,] I try to do only the things that bring me joy,” she said. “Going to the museum on my own, learning to play the organ, baking bread – all things that don’t directly involve Vince or the kids.”

If death comes knocking again and tomorrow never comes for one of them, this is the message Vincent wants to leave Ju-Lyn: “1+1 = 3: We lived it, and I loved every moment of it!”

True to his commitment as an ME presenter, he explained: “Coming together as two individuals into a couple relationship means generating energies for ourselves and those around in a life-giving way so that others can be inspired and in turn inspire others.”

 

To find out more about Marriage Encounter, click https://wwmesg.org/about/ or call our Registration couple, David & Clara, at 9670 5390 for a chat.